A Wallet, An Attitude Adjustment, and a "Thank You."

I had a lump in my throat, my stomach turned sour, and my heart was racing.

Where was my wallet?

I was enjoying a visit of the “Harlem Globetrotters” with my five-year-old son at Hartford’s “XL Center” when I realized it was gone.  Credit and health insurance cards, my driver’s license -- were all lost – or stolen.

When I came home, I gave my wife the “woe is me” sob story and she quickly provided insight that changed my attitude completely.

“Remember the news assignment you did yesterday,” she said.  “Your wallet?  Small potatoes.”

Friday, I was in Newtown, Connecticut when I arrived to what was left of the home of Hans Barth.  A fire started in the basement and quickly spread, consuming the modest house and destroying many things inside. 

The painful twist – two of Hans’ kids are survivors of the Sandy Hook massacre.  His seven-year-old son Peter hid in a locked bathroom with his teacher and classmates as gunshots echoed through the halls. 

“Maybe it’s because of the school that we learned a little more of what’s important to us in life, through that experience.  Maybe if it had happened earlier we would have been crying on the floor now, I don’t know,” Barth said, as he was loading donated items into a cargo truck.

I stood there with my mouth agape.  This man’s children are probably dealing with severe psychological trauma.  His house was gone.  Yet the whole time I was speaking with him, he smiled, repeatedly saying how blessed he was, how things really aren’t that bad.

“How can I not smile with all the support that we’ve had from all around.  I mean, what’s supposed to be a disaster has turned into a tremendous gift in a way,” Barth said.

We all have troubles – stress is often something we combat with on a weekly basis.  And thankfully, the majority of us will never have to deal with the drama the Barth family is currently experiencing.  But even small issues in our own little corner of the world can create personal turmoil.

With that said, what my wife reminded me of was to take a step back and look at the big picture.  My children were laughing and playing in the next room, there was a roof over my head, and aside from my pocket feeling a bit lighter, I felt great. 

Thank you Mr. Barth.  May I remember your story – and your attitude – the next time a mammoth problem…is really no problem at all.

(Note:  If you are interested in helping the Barth family, you can contact Christine Wilford at thewilfordfamily@gmail.com or go to the Barth Family Fund at www.gofundme.com/2fns60)

(The link to my story with Mr. Barth can be found here:  http://www.wtnh.com/dpp/news/fairfield_cty/fire-destroys-Newtown-home-of-shooting-survivors_79235163?categoryId=10001&status=false)

Nancy Lanza: Questions of "Why"

If anything, the documents released Thursday raise more questions than answers.  Unfortunately, they are answers we will continue to wait for, or, will never get.

The spur for Adam Lanza’s savage behavior is of great interest to many, especially those trying to figure out how to avoid such tragedy in the future.

But the search warrants truly highlight the mystery surrounding his late mother, Nancy.  We are filled with probing questions.  A number of items confiscated by the Connecticut State Police are troubling, and one has to wonder if Nancy had any knowledge of her son’s interest in mass shootings.

Did she ever venture into his room?  Did she notice news articles on mass killings – pictures of a deceased person wrapped in plastic?  Was there never an insatiable curiosity to peak into a journal, considering she was aware of his need for isolation?

Was his obsession to violent video games, coupled with access to weapons and ammunition, never debated even within her own conscience?  As pen touched paper on a Bank of America check, did she ever hesitate about giving the gift of a firearm to a clearly troubled young man?

In February, the Hartford Courant did an excellent expose of the relationship between mother and son (http://articles.courant.com/2013-02-17/news/hc-raising-adam-lanza-20130217_1_nancy-lanza-adam-lanza-peter-lanza).  Journalist Alaine Griffin reports sport shooting was something the family did together when Adam and his brother were young.  But one must wonder - was there ever a turning point in Adam’s demeanor that would have caused Nancy…to give pause about such a pastime?

We ask “why.”  It’s an easy question for reporters to throw out, but a much harder one to answer.  More paperwork surrounding Sandy Hook is slated for release this summer.  Perhaps we will learn more about what Adam was thinking, and maybe why Nancy was oblivious to what was coming. 

In the end though, after the investigation is complete, no sense will ever come to an unspeakable crime devoid of human compassion.

Technological Bullies: A Growing Problem

I left an interview Thursday determined to raise my children in a basement.

Admittedly, it sounds odd, and it’s certainly in jest, but it’s all about control.   

Making headlines this week was the arrest of two Torrington High School football players charged with sexual assault on a thirteen year old girl.  As if that’s not disturbing enough, the local paper, The Register Citizen, reports the child is being cyber-bullied for coming forward.

Which leads me to today’s interview with a young woman named Kelly Dyson.  The nineteen year old senior was the victim of vicious bullying attacks at school, on the phone, and on-line.  She says she endured non-stop harassment for more than two years.

“I would question myself, ‘What’s wrong with me?  What did I do?  What’s wrong?’  Ultimately, it wasn’t anything that I did; it was these girls just sort of attacking and having it out for me.”

According to the website bullyingstatistics.org, more than two million children are bullied each year, and cyber-bullying is becoming a more pervasive problem.  In addition, seventy-one percent of students say bullying is an on-going issue.

“It was coming both through text messages, ‘Facebooking,’ food getting thrown at me during lunch.  Just having that done to you, is damaging, you don’t know what to do, you don’t know where to turn, you’re scared to tell your parents because you don’t know if the situation would get even worse,” Dyson said.

One way to take control of the problem, says Steven Hernandez with the Connecticut Commission on Children, is for parents to keep tabs on what’s going on in cyberspace with their child.  If there are occurrences online, most likely, there are problems at school.  He says children might be tentative to approach a parent, but involvement is necessary to potentially avoid severe psychological trauma.

“The person in the room, who should control the behavior and control the message, is the adult, whether that’s at school or at home.”  It’s incumbent on the adult as to what’s being accessed by the child.”

Kelly’s bullying incidents became so severe it led to a near fatal car accident.  She doesn’t hide, rather, she took control of the situation, and now talks to peers and parents on how to combat the problem.

“People going through this, who are victims, need to know that suffering in silence, is never the thing to do.  I did that, it ended up with me almost dying…But I’ve become stronger with this.  I have a voice, and I can use it.  Ultimately, that is the most important thing.  Don’t let yourself sit there by yourself.”

…Which goes for parents as well. As much as I’d like to keep my children in the basement, protect them in a cocoon, life doesn’t work that way.  Knowledge is power, and the better prepared my kids are to meet the challenges of growing up, the better parent I’ll be.    

(Note:  For more information on how to combat bullying, you can go to the Connecticut Commission on Children’s webpage at http://www.cga.ct.gov/coc/bullying.htm)